Ali G does Hercules: The Legendary Journeys!
by Ceridwen
Summary: Ali G meets up with da main man!


Ali G. interviews Hercules!

**Hercules: The Legendary Journeys**

**"Ali G does Hercules"**

**by Ceridwen**

**Ali G.**Check this! I is 'ere with none other dan Olympic God Hercules, he be the son of Zeus hos none other than the King of the Gods. Respect. Wicked. And we is talking about heroes. Hercules is gonna tell us 'ow we all can be heroes. Can't we?

**Hercules:** Thanks for promoting me to a God. I'm actually only half-god. My father is Zeus, Kind of the Gods and my mother was mortal, so I am just a normal guy like everyone else.

**Ali G.** What do you think makes a woman a hero?

**Hercules:** Exactly the same things that make a man a hero.

**Ali G:** But is it things like she spits into her hankie?

**Hercules:** I don't think spitting into ones handkerchief can be regarded as a symbol of being a hero, no.

**Ali G.**What if someone is so heroic, dey are famous and have like a swimming pol? Would dey den be a hero?

**Hercules:** Erm no I think that is a bizarre definition of heroism.

**Ali G:** And when you was in Egipt, you is met Cleopatra, right? The chick that bathed in Asses milk?

**Hercules:** In what?

**Ali G:** Asses milk.

**Hercules:**Ass...milk. Botty milk?

**Ali G:** No asses'. From your...(points to rear)

**Hercules:** No, no, no....donkeys. She bathed in donkey milk.

**Ali G:** Oh Right .... So what if I knobbed the daughter of Xena?

**Hercules:** _(Bemused)_ What if you did?

**Ali G.:** If she got a bun in the oven, would the little nipper be a hero, too?

**Hercules:** Erm, it has nothing to do with your heritage. If you do what is right and follow your heart, then anybody can be a hero.

**Ali G:** What if you got busy with me sister? I wouldn't advise it 'cos' she ain't the cleanest of girls. 

**Hercules:** I haven't had the pleasure of meeting your sister.]

**Ali G:**Aye. Well it can be arranged. She'll be keen.

**Hercules:** I ... I ... I appreciate the offer, but I don't think that's such a good idea. I'm sure that your sister is a lovely girl, but right now, I really don't 

**Ali G:**You think you is too good for me sister?

**Hercules:**Certainly not, I wasn't saying that.

**Ali G:** Aye.

**Hercules:**No, no please, I wasn't saying that for a moment.

**Ali G:**You is. She is rank.

**Hercules:**No, no

**Ali G:**She's really rough, y'know?

**Hercules:** No, I'm sure that your sister is lovely and I'm sure she'll find somebody who is better suitable for her than me.

**Ali G:**No believe me. Even my Mum cuss her and call her a slag.

**Hercules:**I take your word on that.

**Ali G**: Do you think if Zeus was doing more stuff down here he could bring people together? Like he does on the Olympics, where he brings the whole of da world together?

**Hercules:** The Olympic Games are something special. We tried to promote peace with them. If people have to fight each other, then it should be done on a sportive level. Not with weapons. Killing never solved anything. 

**Ali G:** But there is always people who say that it is about identity, but when it come down to it, do you think it's about fight over the woman?

**Hercules:** Er, no.

**Ali G:** Everyone is saying they are fighting for the 'Corrs ', do you believe that?

**Hercules:** They certainly believe it and therefore I have to believe it.

**Ali G:**Aye

**Hercules:** Fighting for a good cause is good. It's the methods I take exception to and fight against.

**Ali G:**I mean, they is fit, but do you think they is worth fighting over? I mean,  
two of them is well beautiful but the drummer is....

**Hercules:** If it's not about freedom, equality and the right of everybody to life their lives the way they choose, then it's not worth fighting over. I really don't believe it is.

**Ali G:** Aye. So what kind of skill do you need to be an hero? Do you 'ave to be strong, brave and ready to, like, fight for da weak?

**Hercules: **Yes, that is the primary requirement

**Ali G:** Is that not racialist?

**Hercules:**What? Why?

**Ali G:** Because it is unfair on people who are not brave and don't wanna help da weak.  
So 'ow many heroes does it take to change a lightbulb?

**Hercules:** Er What's a lightbulb?

**Ali G:**With full respect, why is so many of them heroes half gods?

**Hercules:** They are not all half gods.

**Ali G:** Is it because you are trying to stop discrimination and so you let in a lot of da weirdoes?

**Hercules:** No

**Ali G:** Is Jo Brand an hero?

**Hercules**: No

**Ali G:** Why is she so weird then? 

**Hercules:** I don't know, you'd have to ask her.

**Ali G:** Aye. You is a close friend of all the Gods. You is de expert in the country about the Olympic Gods and about the Greek mythology. So can you tell us why it is so important.  
Will Hera ever be queen?

**Hercules:**She certainly is trying.

**Ali G:**Do you think that a lot of the objection to Hera is because she is so mingin'?

**Hercules:**So What?

**Ali G: **So Mingin'.

**Hercules:** I'm sorry. I don't understand. What does mingin' mean?

**Ali G:**So mingin'. Her face is very...ugly.

**Hercules:**That's a cruel word.

**Ali G:**No, not ugly, me didn't wanna say that. She's rank. She's rank.

**Hercules: **Hera might be an evil Goddess, but I think most of the women on Mt. Olympus

**Ali G:**Aye, is a bit dodgy....

**Hercules:**Well, no, but it's a hell of a job being compared to Aphrodite, who is a good looking Goddess. NO, to be fair Aphrodite is very...

**Ali G:** Tasty

**Hercules: **She's my sister, so I wouldn't call her tasty. But she is the Goddess of Love and Beauty. So you put anybody up against her and there's a wee bit of a problem. She's also very conscious of her body and her appearance and looks after herself.

**Ali G:** She ain't fit man

**Hercules:** No, this is a woman who undertands the problmes of love, She 

**Ali G: **Aye - she looks like wicked, man.

**Hercules:**_(sighs)_ Yes, she does.

**Ali G:** You as also very active with da kids, right. Do you think that they shou just teach them more relevant stuff, like dealing or, you know, stabbing? Then that would be useful

**Hercules:** I don't think stabbing would be useful.

**Ali G:** Do you think fighting should be taught in schools?

**Hercules:**No

**Ali G:** Why not?

**Hercules:**I think that learning to read and write is much more important.

**Ali G:** Do you think warlords should teach fighting in school?

**Hercules: **No

**Ali G:**Why not?

**Hercules:** Because I do not respect them. They are evil, violent and the only thing they are interested in is hurting people

**Ali G:**But they has more success experience than anyone else.

**Hercules:**I know, but that is not the kind of experience I want for children.

**Ali G:** But someone who has killed a few geezers would know how to cope wid any situation.

**Hercules:**Well some of these situations I would not put myself in from the beginning.

**Ali G:** For real. Me feeling that, Hercules, me feeling that so strong. Respect, man! 


End file.
